In life coaching, the decision making required for a breakthrough to a life of happiness is often asked about. I used to ask the question myself, after I discovered that unhappiness was destroying my life.
A thing I learned about a happy state of mind, some of your friends may question your motives, similar to as if you were leaving town. Why are you moving? A million solid reasons in favor of staying, versus a single flaky reason in favor of leaving. Crazy, walking around with a silly smile on his face, versus having achieved harmony and a sense of well-being. It is not about you, but varies according to the observer’s perspective.
Unhappiness had happened naturally, but happiness I had to learn. I had to free myself so I could grant myself the right to be happy. I found we are lousy at understanding happiness, lousy at predicting what will bring us happiness, and unaware of what would have to happen for us to be happy. We are amazed to learn that unhappiness and happiness take about the same amount of work. Summarizing what I learned so far about happiness, here is my shortlist.
Be Grateful
Of being grateful, make your foundation. The habit of being grateful, just by itself, easily has the power to change your life forever. It’s easy to do, too. Express appreciation for the things you have so far taken for granted or even had felt entitled to. If you want to be rich, consider you can be rich in love, relationships, adventure, travel, courage, integrity, passion, beauty, happiness, growth and contribution – pretty much anything you choose to be rich in – as well as in money. The point is, the secret to all riches, is gratitude.
Keep Your Word
People who keep their word are much happier than those who don’t. While keeping your word applies to all areas of life, it is particularly significant in relationships. Married people are happier than those who just live together. When we are well connected to others we feel most happy. As a rule, the more challenging or expensive it is to break your word, the greater its value in happiness terms. Of course, it’s a two-edged sword, since keeping your word presupposes you’ve done your homework.
Little Things
To increase happiness, decrease your focus on the big, big things that will bring you happiness, and instead find a steady supply of smaller reasons. In bygone times, had you asked me for the greatest sources of my happiness, I might have said my work, my marriage, and my finances. Now I would put creating my future very high on the list. Do I get euphoria from creating my future? No, but it’s an ongoing process and a pleasure I become conscious of twice daily like clockwork, every day. When pleasure happens often, over time it changes your life.
Be Steadfast
Some people look at their faith and beliefs like borrowed umbrellas to be returned to their rightful owners at the first sign of rain. To keep going tough when the going gets tough – as it will – equip yourself with faith and beliefs that truly are yours, and you know will be tested. If you’re experiencing hardship right now, my advice would be to just hang in there. Let time do what time does well – to provide you with hindsight and a different perspective. Three, six or twelve months down the road you might be surprised of how much better you are.
Here’s a little story I’d like to share. Someone is climbing a mountain. He trips and falls over the side. As he’s falling he’s lucky and he grabs a branch on his way down, holding on for dear life. He looks down – 1500 feet below him is rock bed valley. He looks up – he is about 20 feet from where he fell. He starts to yell for help, “Help! Help! Is there anybody up there? Help!” A big booming voice comes down and says, “Yes, I am here and I will help you if you believe in me.” “I believe! I believe!” “If you believe in me let go of the branch and I will save you.” And the man looks down at the rock bed valley and looks back up and says, “Is there anybody else up there?”
When Would Now Be A Good Time?
If you’re not quite ready to be happy today, but have no objection to the idea of maybe being happy tomorrow, I’ve got news for you. By the time you’ll get to tomorrow, it’ll be today again. Get over it, be happy today. You get exactly what you are feeling. Happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances.
Stop Complaining
Not just aloud, but in your self-talk, too. If stopping it altogether is too difficult, begin by reducing it. Happiness research has shown that less complaining translates into more happiness.
Be Part Of A Community
Be sure to make your friends before you need them. Realize you are not really choosing your friends. You choose your environment and your friends will come from within that environment. Choose your environment wisely. A wisely chosen environment would be one that promotes and encourages community, holding hands, singing, knowing-someone-would-bring-you-soup-if-you-got-sick and other earthly values.
Give
Giving is its own reward. As long as you don’t give with the expectation of being given in return. Giving, like loving, is best when it’s unconditional. Give a smile. Hold the door for someone (even if not acknowledged, do it anyway). Give a compliment. Give a flower. Give of your money. Give of your time. The possibilities are endless.
Related Quotes
- “When you keep saying you are busy, you’re not free. When you keep saying you don’t have the time, you’ll never have time. When you keep saying that you must do things, your life becomes a must. When you keep saying that you will be happy tomorrow, tomorrow never comes. ” – Pravsworld
- “In about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy.” – Karl Reiland
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