Dressed for happiness? What is happiness, anyway? Is happiness the absence of unhappy, or is it the pursuit of happiness. Is happiness love, inspirational psycho-babble, spiritual wisdom, a topic for meditation, or a combination of all these things? Beyond the many happiness quotes and sayings, what is happiness really? (Hint: Happiness is ___________ – what you make it).
“I Just Want To Be Happy“
How many times have you heard it said? How many times do you said it yourself ? “I just want to be happy” is the answer commonly given in response to questions about the future. And of course, “happy” is part and parcel of New Year and birthday wishes.
Happiness Becomes You
Happy people feel and perform better. Research shows that you actually see, taste, smell and hear better when you’re happy. Happy people are healthier, too. Happiness is known to possess healing powers, as documented in “Anatomy Of An Illness As Perceived By The Patient”, Norman Cousin’s inspirational book about his battle with a crippling and irreversible disease. It proves what an effective healing tool the happy mind can be.
Happiness?
“Happiness is when you think pleasant thoughts a fair share of the time.” It is the best definition of happiness in my book, not because I have freely adapted it from a namesake of mine, Dr. John A. Schindler, but because it is meaningful, simple and concise.
When asked what would have to happen to be happy, I’ve heard people come up with all kinds of answers. On the complex side, multi-layered criteria that included body fat percentage, marriage bliss, kids’ academic performances, career, the war in _________ (fill blank), the weather, and the outcome of upcoming business transactions. On the simple side, waking up in the morning, realizing you have been given a new day. How do you define “happiness”? How do you answer to the question of, “What would have to happen for you to be happy?” Please share your thoughts, leave a comment!
Happy Versus Happier
Statements of “always happy” or “never happy” are equally ridiculous. What if you witness a sad event, or to a happy event? Unless your emotions are expressed, you’d live in a straight-jacket. As George Bernard Shaw observed, a lifetime of happiness would only make you miserable. And of course, a lifetime of unhappiness is misery.
While permanent happiness is nonsense, wanting to be happier at all times makes perfect sense, and given its many benefits, is strongly recommended. What’s more, it is effortless. Regardless of your level of happiness at this moment, it is easy to think of something that makes you feel good, then do it. Forgive yourself for something you earlier criticized yourself for. Listen to a piece of your favorite music. Call a friend. See yourself through kind eyes. Put a big smile on your face, even if fake, for a full minute. At the toll booth, pay for the car behind you. Think about anyone but yourself for a while. Let a family member know you’re thinking about her or him. The choices are endless.
More For Less, Less For More
These recipes for happiness are fool-proof. The recipe for less happiness is more dependency on the outside world – the weather, the economy, politics, the news, fashion and what other people do and say, etc. The more you hold others and external events responsible for your happiness, the unhappier you will be. By contrast, the recipe for more happiness is less dependency on the outside world – you decide and play by your own happiness rules. Happiness is an inside job.
Happiness Now, Or Never
Happiness exists in the now. It cannot be found elsewhere. If you expect to be happy tomorrow, by the time you’ll get to tomorrow, it’ll be today again. You cannot be happy tomorrow anymore than you can raise your hand tomorrow. Polls consistently show 2 out of every 3 people are unhappy. It is in large part due to the mistaken belief of happy tomorrow. To believe in tomorrow is one thing, to make your happiness dependent on tomorrow would be quite another. Why, there’s not even a guarantee there will be a tomorrow.
Another fallacy that keeps people away from happiness is the Have-Do-Be-thinking. When I shall “have” the perfect wife/husband, then I will “do” loving things, and I’ll “be” very happy (forever).” The thinking is right but the sequence is wrong. The correct formula is, step 1 “be” the person of your dreams, step 2 “do” the things aforementioned person would do, and step 3 accept to “have” whatever comes your way from being step 1 and doing step 2.
Yet another fallacy that keeps people away from happiness is the curious belief happiness must be earned, or is deserved, or is a moral issue, or is selfish. Happiness in none of these thing. Happiness is a decision – your decision, and your decision alone. Hint: you cannot be unhappy enough to help an unhappy person, just as you cannot be miserable enough to help a miserable person, or ill enough to help an ill person, or poor enough to help a poor person.
A Mental Habit
Happiness is a mental habit (as is unhappiness). The word “habit” literally used to mean dress or garment, and in French still does. Put differently, a mental habit is a dress your personality wears. People who believe unhappy is cool are unlikely to dress their personality in happy habits. They’d feel ashamed because they equate being happy to being defective in some way. But if you are free of resistance and open to life’s possibilities, give the happy habit a try. Dress your personality in happy habits. You risk to upset the unhappy, but you’ll find it well worth.
Happier, Guaranteed
Roughly the first hundred years of psychoanalysis and psychology as we know it today, focused on peoples’ dysfunction or, as I see it, on peoples’ unhappiness. But in the last 30 to 50 years the focus has noticeably shifted to the functional, happy part of us humans. This is not the place to do justice to the whole gamut of benefits yielded by the happiness research to date, but I want to share two secret weapons for greater happiness which said research has confirmed.
1. Stop Complaining – not just aloud, but in your self-talk, too. To stop altogether might be impossible, so begin by reducing it. I found it easiest to proceed by area, and have been able to eliminate it from some, but not from others. (I still complain while in traffic – operating handheld devices while driving should be illegal).
2. Develop An Attitude of Gratitude – not just in thought, but in writing. Every day write down 3 things (give or take a few) you’re grateful for. If nothing comes to mind, write down 3 things you could be grateful for. It’s okay, albeit boring, to write down the same 3 things every day. The important thing is development of the habit.
If you do these two simple things for a month, you’ll be happier. Seriously. Plus it’s fun. Guaranteed. If not, ask for your money back. Oops, it’s phree. Oh well … let it not stop you from enjoying your happiness!
QUOTES
- If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes. – Andrew Carnegie
- And now I have to confess the unpardonable and the scandalous. I am a happy man. – Jean Cocteau
- Be happy. It’s one way of being wise. – Colette
- To be utterly happy the only thing necessary is to refrain from comparing this moment with other moments. – André Gide
- The wise learn from personal experience. The happy learn from the experiences of others. – Unknown
- The only ones of you who will be truly happy will be so because you have found a way to serve. – Albert Schweitzer
- To live happily is an inward power of the soul. – Aristotle
- How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. – Oscar Wilde
- This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. – George Bernard Shaw
- If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or objects. – Albert Einstein
- Personally, I experience the greatest degree of pleasure in having contact with works of art. They furnish me happy feelings of an intensity that I cannot derive from other sources. – Albert Einstein
- It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy. – Mother Teresa
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